Hi I'm Blake, I like drinks with umbrellas in them and long walks along sandy beaches shaped like women's legs. I like girls who like me, particularly those who are obsessed with me because it shows that they know something. I like a stiff drink because I am a man's man. I dislike wimps like Gooner who has neither manners nor intelligence. I like to live in the here and now, no rearview mirror if you know what I mean. If I was a machine I would be a Ducati, if I was an animal I would be some kind of bush pig. Love me for who I am, I say. To be honest, I really don't know why I'm on this trip. Yes, I’m an actor, but I don't feel I've had my role explained to me well enough. Ian says he’s got dreams, well what about my dreams, what about my needs? By the way, did I mention I'm really into girls? So, if you're a girl, hi!

Hi, My name is Gooner. I like singing, playing my guitar, and watching hockey on TV. I also like writing poetry, but that’s a personal area. Mostly I write verse about stuff I would prefer not to talk about here, if that’s okay. Is Ian reading this before it goes online? Because I don’t want him changing anything. He’s always saying things like, “You should write this and you should say that.” Or, “Say something mean about Blake.” I’m my own person. I have my own thoughts and my own identity. I’m Gooner, you’re Ian. I have to draw the line somewhere. You think that just because this roadshow thing was your idea, Gooner doesn’t have any of his own ideas? Gooner has his own ideas. For example, I’m pretty sure that going to the skateboard park in Vancouver was his idea. Bye.

I’m Ian. I’m in charge. Everything I say is the law around here. Trouble is, no one listens to me. That’s okay, because I won’t let anyone, including Blake and Gooner, sabotage this project, no matter what they do or say, or feel, or say behind my back. Are you listening, Gooner? No. Obviously not. That would be a first if you were. But I digress. My experience doing road movies is voluminous and legendary. The Rock’n Roadshow is only the latest in a series of triumphs. Perhaps you may have heard of the Galapagos Voyage of Introspection Tour, a triptych in ten episodes? Or the controversial Euro 2008 Teensy Weensy Bikini Babe Hunt? What you will see on the Rock’n Roadshow builds on these success stories. It will no doubt shock and offend you. Other times you will perhaps shed a tear in laughter or in sadness, or be overwhelmed with a sense of awe as you follow the hapless duo and myself across the frozen Canadian landscape.

I’m just the cameraman.